Sunday, August 10, 2008

The Worst thing a Parent can go through

A friend of mine lost her daughter today. Her name was Violette and she was three months old. She had a fall yesterday and let go today.

My friend called me to tell me about it. She has two other kids, both preschoolers. I feel for her terribly, and I know none of you know her, but I hope you can spare a thought for her today and in the days to come as this surreal impossibility becomes her reality.

How do you talk to your kids about death? How do you approach this with the kids that are still with her?

I remember when I found out that all people die. My brother told me and it was confirmed moments later by my mom. But it wasn't something I had to deal with, really, for a long time.

We're probably foreclosing on a house. Our TV broke yesterday and we won't afford a new one for a long time. I'm going to have to ask my parents for money for groceries this week.

And I feel terrible that these things bothered me a couple hours ago. I have my family sitting with me, two of them climbing all over me while I write. I've never felt luckier.

The world isn't fair. Maybe that's the place to start with kids. The world isn't fair. Any time it's nice, it's by accident. The world isn't fair.


Jeremy (Discovering Dad) said...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, and I will say a prayer for them tonight. Unfortunately, I know their pain, as I lost my first daughter at around the same age. It's hard to talk about; it's hard to get over; it's very hard to understand. It took me years to get my head and heart feeling normal again, but a piece of me died that day too. I treasure the moments I have with my 3 living kids, and when I get frustrated at the crazy things they do, I have to stop and be thankful for everything about them because their older sister can only watch from above. Life isn't fair at times, but I've tried to teach my kids that it can be whatever they want it to be - they are empowered to rise above circumstances - and I try very hard to lead by example in this regard. No one deserves to go through the experience of losing a child. I hope your friends can find a way to get through this.

the_ordinary said...

Are you saying that your house is being foreclosed?

Sol, you sound so overwhelmed in what you say. You should not feel bad for being concerned about the things affecting your family - those things are your immediate responsibility. Yes, you are lucky, if that's the right word (as am I). Tragedy befalls everyone at some point, and you should not feel guilty for looking out for your own family despite it.

That being said, I appreciate reading your thoughts about the toughest thing a parent can go through. I cannot imagine losing our little guy, especially following the miscarriage of our first. My thoughts go out to them, as feeble as that is.

Sol Smith said...

I'm so sorry to hear that, Jeremy. I can't imagine having to live with something like that. Thank you for the kind words for my friend. I'll pass them on to her.

Sol Smith said...


Well, not the house we're living in. We moved a year ago and have held on to our old house by the skin of our teeth. We have about a month to short sell it or it goes to foreclosure. So we're not too worried about the thing, or at least we've come to accept it.

adafloyd said...

Wow - your words about your friend's baby are beautiful. Thank you for sharing... My heart aches all over again for her loss - we lost two little boys at two different times and you're right. It isn't fair.

But there are a few things out there that might help. I'm not sure where she is, but there are support groups for children dealing with grief. I have been a part of one (and am creating another) called Kid's Place. If she wants help finding something like that, she is welcome to contact me when she is able to deal with life again. It was invaluable for my surviving son.

It's very strange reading your blog today... I usually come here for some "fatherly" inspiration for a website I write for, but this hits so much closer to home for me and my passion. No one can "make sense" of a loss of this magnitude, but we have found over the last couple years that we can give meaning and honor to their short lives on this earth. I will be praying for Tracy.

And how funny, too, Sol, that my "moved out of" house in OKC just forclosed last Thursday. Yep, you just accept what you cannot control sometimes.

Thank you for the reality check. The petty is once more just that.

Thanks for inspiring and touching many lives you don't even know about. :o)