Saturday, December 20, 2014

Skeleton in the Closet--An Alternative to Elf on the Shelf

I get that modern-day parenting favors positive reinforcement. In most instances, I like it, too. But let's face
it: Elf on the Shelf features an artistically boring little jerk that has a far-from-positive message. We like to interpret it positively, and I love Santa Claus, myself, but this Elf brings police-state images to the holiday.

So, let's be honest! We've all been craving a return of Krampus, and the Internet Age has brought his awareness worldwide. If you haven't yet heard, Krampus is the Alpine opposite of Santa. A messenger of Satan, he takes children who have misbehaved for the year away. Some say he takes them to Hell, some say he drowns them in a washtub. Either way, parents win.

This year, instead of "Elf on the Shelf," try Krampus' own, "Skeleton in the Closet!" Moritory, Krampus' minion, will spy on your children and make damn sure that they behave!

The Skeleton in the Closet starts off in your child's closet on the first day. They open the door, say, looking for a dress, and find that it's that time of year again! Time to get your act in order so a washtub-toting madman doesn't drown you!

Soon, you find dozens of great ways to remind your kids to behave! Are they getting too excited about gifts piling up under the tree? You'd better remind them that they may not live long enough to open them.

Holiday stories are so heartwarming and positive these days. Let your kids know that the world is heartless and unforgiving, just like Krampus!

One of your kids just not getting it? Visions of sugar plumbs still dancing in their heads? Interrupt their slumber with horror and dread!  Let Moritory keep them on the path of the meek and mild. This year's wish list can be all about SURVIVAL!

If you enjoyed post, consider getting my new book, Danger at Donner Pass, for your kid for Christmas. Besides being about cannibalism, it's also about a skeleton named Moritory and living through the night!

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